Many people come to therapy because they feel lost.
If you can relate to feeling lost and are trying to figure out how to feel more satisfied with your life, keep reading! I have seen this happen a lot for retirees (often men) and homemakers (often women) the most. Retirees tend to derive their sense of identity and self-worth by their achievements and salary. When they retiree, they struggle with this loss of identity and don’t really know what to do about it. For homemakers, they have spent so much time and energy focused on the needs of the children that they have nothing left for themselves. Additionally they are so used to doing things for others that it feels odd to do things for themselves. When their children grow up and leave the home, moms can feel a loss of purpose. Any time there is a significant transition in a person’s life it makes sense that they may feel a void. However, this is a great problem to have because more free time equals an opportunity to restructure your life. By consciously choosing how you spend your time and energy you can create a satisfying and fulfilling new version of your life.
Being of service to others makes you feel good!
Many retirees feeling lost and without purpose may find a lot of satisfaction volunteering with non-profit organizations. I’ve had plenty of retired clients get involved in organizations such as Habitat for Humanity, ASPCA, and the Special Olympics and it completely changed their life! Being of service to others, whether it be children, elderly people, or animals is so rewarding because it allows you to directly experience the impact of your generosity and kindness. Volunteering is different than a paid job: instead of getting paid monetarily, you are rewarded with Oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. Oxytocin is created when there is warmth and connection between people (and animals) and it just plain feels good. It’s supposed to feel good so that we continue to seek connection. When we are isolated and withdrawn, life feels especially meaningless. I believe that our quality of life is directly impacted by the quality of our relationships. Relationships with friends, family and apeople in our community are all important. By giving of ourselves, we are reminded that we have inherent goodness that’s not tied to achievement or wealth.
Find a low-stress, enjoyable part time job
Another category of people who often look for meaning and purpose is Moms who have been homemakers most of their adult life. In general, moms are giving and nurturing at the expense of their own needs. Being a mom can be all consuming and become the main source of your identity. If you are a mom whose kids are now grown, I would suggest getting a part time job doing something you enjoy. This is especially empowering for women who have never had their own source of income. For example, if you enjoy have always wanted to try gardening as a hobby, a good place to work would be a gardening store or a flower shop. If you don’t know where to start because you’ve never had a hobby, then this is the perfect time to do so! Any creative endeavor that you have always wanted to try or are curious about is a great first step. Many community colleges have low-cost classes and workshops: dance, pottery, painting, writing, and so many more. Have you always wanted to learn to play an instrument or speak another language? Not having kids to take care of really creates time and space to be able to do these things that are just for you. At first it may feel like you are being selfish or wasting time, but I encourage you to try to shift your thinking about this. Consider it a reward for all of your hard work being a mom. Being a parent is a very difficult, often thankless, full-time job and you deserve to relax and have fun! You’ve paid your dues and it’s time to prioritize your own needs and wants. There is meaning and purpose in that endeavor because you count too!
Explore a spiritual path or alternative healing modality
There’s more to life than how much money you make or what you achieve. Life is meant for exploration, enjoyment and connection. When you spend your time intentionally in a mindful way, life does become more meaningful and satisfying. Whether you are a retiree, a mom, or neither, consider exploring a spiritual path or practice. I’m not talking about organized religion but rather things like gratitude journaling, meditation, or alternative healing. Alternative healing can include Acupuncture, Reiki, CranioSacral Therapy, sound healing, drumming circles, or chanting groups. If you’ve never considered any of these things, I encourage you to have an open mind. If you are feeling lost, it’s time to make a change. You never know what your experience will be unless you try it and see for yourself!
There’s no time like the present to get started!
If anything you’ve read resonates with you and you’d like support along your journey, please reach out today. I look forward to hearing your story helping you find purpose in your life.